Last year I remember I decided on a 10 'To Do's' list for 2009, which ultimately ran down to 13. Interestingly, most of them came true barring two. Neither I did not learn salsa nor could I go to Italy to meet my best friend.
Whilst people were celebrating the arrival of yet another New Year, I thought hard of what I want with my life. This time it was indeed special because there wasn't anything specific that I wanted. All my dreams have come true. I am living in the 'happy ever after' mode of your conventional fairy tales. And funny enough, I have even lost all the enthusiasm to live through my dream life. To-have-it-all is also the most confounding state in life, where you are too saturated to do anything worthwhile. I guess this is what the ancient warriors must have felt after returning victorious from the battlefield; lethargic in the spill over of their martial glory. We do know of the lotos eaters, Odysseus' men, who were so content with the intoxicating flower that all their desires disappeared. I am not implying that an induced feeling from some external chemical on our nervous system is appreciable. However, I have a strong feeling that these agents could take you to that momentary state of self fulfilment, where you want not anything else, but only wish for that state to continue. You feel that the time just fleets as you let the events pass by. I was high just once and I had found every thing cheerful. Now I also understand why success or any form of extreme happiness is compared to getting intoxicated.
But along with this intoxication comes the inevitable result, the realization that all that had to be done is over. The much awaited, and much desired high becomes a pas-se in a moment. What is to be done next? Gather the fruits from the tallest trees, bleed your skin, bruise your elbows - eat the fruits. But what next? Belch. Next?
Thank God, our desires are continual, they crop up cyclically, like hunger and, at times, erratically, like cravings. And we spend our lives satiating the ones we can and feeling morose for those we can't. But if you happen to take care of all the major wants of your life, you just pray that you quickly grow up a new want in time. Your whole new project, a reason behind your existence. But pray that you aren't in the Lotos eater state.
I learned today that my best friend has given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was happy. Happier than I was in days. No, not the intoxicating high which ensures a dip in spirits as a guaranteed aftermath, but truly happy. News of births are the most life affirming things. And for once, I was sure that atleast my friend would have incessant wants of this tiny creature to fulfill, even if she were to exhaust hers.
No lotos for her, not this year, nor any of the years to come.
Craving for Creativity by Shweta Rao is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License. Based on a work at www.devishankari.blogspot.com.
